Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you guys were way drunker than both of me
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
