Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
