i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
