tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
