I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
