My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
