Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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