Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize