WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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