This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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