At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
