they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
