and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
