I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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