He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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