WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
