My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
