textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
