I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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