im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
