I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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