I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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