I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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