It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
