Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
