woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
