My sheets look like a crime scene.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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