You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
