OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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