i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
