is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
