You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
