Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
