she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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