i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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