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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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