TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
