Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
