I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
