you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
