The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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