When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
