I want to make a zoo with you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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