Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Randomize
