tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
