How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
