whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
