I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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