I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
