My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
