Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
