dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
