Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my poor anus
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
