i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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