I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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