He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
