4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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