I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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