Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
