So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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