She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
