I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize