he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
