Jerry, you need to find god
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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