Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
