i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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