It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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