420 ftw
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
