youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize