ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
