I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
